I hate sitting still...

I didn't think my first blog post would be about an injury, but here we are.

I thought I was doing so well. I felt strong, healthy, and fit. I was productive at work, teaching lots of yoga classes, celebrating birthdays, and making travel plans, maintaining a clean, tidy home, eating my vegetables, checking things off my "to-do" list,...you get the idea. Getting shit done. I was on fire.

Or so I thought...

My body tried to tell me it was too much. I started to feel drained last Sunday, after teaching 5 classes in less than 72 hours, on top of work + life. I finally caved and asked someone to sub my favorite class (Vin + Yin at Soul Yoga), so that I could take it easy for the rest of the day. Which I did; despite the beautiful weather, I spent most of the afternoon napping on the couch.

Now, I had been up since 4:30 that morning after taking my husband to the airport, but I felt especially tired. My body felt tired, my brain was foggy, my mood was so...meh. I almost felt as if I was coming down with something. With a yucky summer cold making its way around the yoga studio, I wouldn't have been surprised. I hoped and prayed that the half-day on the couch doing nothing would get rid of whatever funk was trying to bring me down. I mean, if Game of Thrones and a glass of wine don't cure what ails ya, nothing will, amiright?

Monday morning, I woke up feeling a lot better. I started the day off right, with meditation, journaling, goal-setting, a good breakfast, and cracking down hard on some projects I had been putting off. I took a sweaty, challenging 45-minute vinyasa class at lunch, had a delicious shrimp salad afterward, and had a productive 2-hour meeting that afternoon. I was feeling on top of the world.

So, I went for a run at sunset and finished a few modules of a Yoga Anatomy course I'm taking. Still feeling high from the day, I sat down and completely overhauled my website in about 3 and a half hours (one of the goals I had set for the week). This was something I had been meaning to do for MONTHS, and I finished it in one night. I was on FIRE.

I went to bed around midnight and slept like the dead.

Tuesday was almost as productive as Monday. Lots of projects, more yoga, a lunchtime run, and ended the day teaching a fun group of girls at a local apartment complex. I was still riding high and was loving the momentum. So, I treated myself with a few episodes of The Keepers on Netflix. I went to bed a little earlier, taking a few moments to roll around on my foam roller before crawling between the sheets. I fell asleep fast, and again, slept like the dead.

Until about 4 AM.

A sharp, searing pain in my neck woke me up. I was lying on my belly, with my face turned toward the windows, and I immediately pushed myself out of bed, yelping in pain. Thinking it was just another weird rib head out of place (I get those from time to time), I tried to "pop it back in" with a few down-dogs and other stretches. I tried the foam roller again, all in the dark. The pain wouldn't go away; nothing popped, nothing helped, nothing made me feel better. I tried in vain to go back to sleep, but couldn't get comfortable. I rolled around until my alarm went off...

If my super-productive Monday could have a complete opposite, it would have been Wednesday. I was in so much pain, I got absolutely nothing done. I was incapacitated on the couch nearly the entire day. I felt awful. Tense, angry, sad, frustrated. I was mad at my body for throwing a wrench into my plans for a powerfully productive week. After hours of whining and rolling around on the couch, I finally called my chiropractor and went in for an adjustment that afternoon.

"I've never seen you like this. There's absolutely no movement in your upper back. What did you do to make your body so mad?" asked my chiropractor. "I rolled over in bed the wrong way?" I responded, just as baffled. For someone who stands on her head half a dozen times a week, I felt embarrassed to admit that this was NOT a yoga injury.

He sent me home with some Bio-Freeze and prescribed a hot bath, more stretching, then ice + rest. As I was drawing the bath, his question kept running through my mind.

What had I done to make my body so mad?

As I sat in the tub, watching the candle wax drip and the bubbles disappear, I tried to remember the last time I took a bubble bath. Or had a massage. Or relaxed by the pool. Or just sat still for more than 5 minutes. I couldn't remember... It must have been months since my last bubble bath, because I had to wash all the dust out of the tub before I filled it. Is this why? You're mad because I don't take enough baths? It sounds silly, but the simple answer is YES. I don't take enough bubble baths. I don't get enough massages. I don't take enough time to relax. I don't like to sit still. I hate it, actually. It makes me feel lazy or unworthy - like there are so many other important things I need to be doing other than sitting still.

This pain is my body's way of telling me that there is absolutely nothing more important than sitting still right now. There is nothing more important than taking time to be still, to rest, to take care of myself, instead of pushing myself to take care of everything and everyone else. If I don't choose to be still, my body forces me to, in a not-so-pleasant way. Because I wouldn't listen otherwise. I'm stubborn like that.

So here I am, still sitting on the couch. I hate it. I want so badly to get up, to walk around the neighborhood, to handstand, to teach my usual Thursday night class. I want so badly to do ANYTHING but sit here. It's absolute torture. But not as bad as the pain in my back. You win again, body. I'm doing as you asked. I am still. I am resting. I am listening. I am not lazy or unworthy. I am loving and mindful, and wise. I am not bound by ego. I am connected to my body, my strength, and my self-worth. All of this is temporary, and all of this is necessary.

This, too, shall pass.

xo,

Katie Cousins

e-RYT Certified Yoga Instructor

Pittsboro, NC

FireforgedYoga.com